i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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