just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
