After last night, I could never be a politician.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
