did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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