now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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