perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
