They should really pass out barf bags in church
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
