and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
