On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
