Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
