So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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