she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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