What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
