i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
