We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
