It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i don't like sucking hair
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Randomize
