Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
