Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
