I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
