Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
