now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
