Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
