Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
