Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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