Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
