Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i jhust puked up my retainher.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
