I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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