paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
