I cockslap morals
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
