you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
