everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
