We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
