Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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