I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
