The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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