The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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