you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
