i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
