I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
love makes seman taste better
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
