we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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