i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i now understand why vodka
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
