Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
