Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
