Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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