I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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