So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
