Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
