I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You took a bar mat shot.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
