Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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