I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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